Mother's Day (late)

This is a Mother's Day post I wrote on my Facebook page and I didn't get the opportunity to post it here on Mother's Day. So I'm reposting it late: 

This mother's day, because mine isn't here to tell her, I wanted to send a word and publicly thank all the women in my life who have served as a mother for me. Obviously my own mother Anne Elizabeth, who cared for me through what I'm sure was the most trying years of her life. Second to my step mother, who has also passed, Beverly Williams, who cared for me even though I was not her own and caused her so much heart ache and grief. Third, my step sister, Angie Lucero, who I will always consider as the one who helped me survive my pre-pubescent years. Fourth, is a woman who was the first example I had of a Christ-like love and likewise introduced me to the Gospel that grounds me, Nelda Campbell Fagg. Fifth, a woman who helped me to find who I was in the new role of being a young woman, Heidi Smith(with many fun times as the "second" redhead in your loving family). Sixth, a woman who helped me to love everyone and always take things one day at a time, Susie Stegall. Lastly, the woman who I base all description of what is a real woman (and let's be honest cooking) on, my grandmother SeSadie. These women have shaped the lady I am and am becoming I love you all dearly and cannot wait until I can see you again and tell you in person. I also want to appreciate a new addition to the motherhood role for me Ginger Springer, although I know you very little I'm excited to spend many years learning. Happy Mother's Day.

At the suggestion of a good friend I wanted to write a letter to my mother to let her know how I've been feeling recently. 

Mom, 

I wanted to first and foremost state that I am sorry. I am sorry for the way in which I treated you in your time of most suffering and need. I do realize I was but a flawed and arrogant teenager but, I wish I could have seen through the cloud of hormones and into your life. I miss you more everyday. I forget the simple things about you. I have forgotten the sound of your voice and the way you sounded when you were scared. I miss you singing as you got ready for the day (whatever that entailed). I even oddly miss the way you would beg for popsicles. I mostly miss how you would hold me when I cried about a boy or something that was terrible. Also, the way you would stroke the side of my head to calm me. I miss the way you could be so intent about things and show the passion with your eyes. I will always admire and appreciate the deep founded equality you taught to me. It is one thing I pride myself on perpetuating. I am sorry that I never got to hold your hand as you took your last breath. I am mostly sorry for all the pain you felt in your short years (whether that was from your sickness or my own stupid words). I love you dearly mother. I always will and always have. Forgive me for the insincerity I showed in your mortal time. Thank you for everything you've instilled in my soul. I will forever be grateful. Until we meet again. 

Katie.